i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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