So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
