He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
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