You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
