Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
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oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
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Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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