It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
