I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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