PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I think I won the penis lottery.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
im holly from the hills drunk
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
