I wannas sexs uuuuu
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
vagina is talking i cant
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
