Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
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She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
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Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm bleeding and have questions
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