ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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