she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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