Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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