i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
