why didn't you poke me back
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
What did we do last night that was yellow?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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