You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So drunk its hurt
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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