Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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