Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
