i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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