What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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