I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
