The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
