i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
