I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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