Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize