take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
