We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
