So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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