it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
