Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
