He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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