Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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