Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
