first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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