We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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