I hate your face
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
