We won't sleep together?
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
The police scanner is talking about you again....
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
