I look better un-naked...
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
