I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
