Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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