i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
