hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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