hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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