i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
it hurts more in the daytime
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
