..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
