I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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