Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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