i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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