So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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