i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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