Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
