you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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