sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
