Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
