you win again, gameday.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
