Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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