just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
