Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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