so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
