go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I won't apologize to a one balled man
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
