Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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