dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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