im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
