I hate all girls vehemently.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
your like the ambassador to my penis.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
