i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize