Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
