I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
