words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
