and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
