Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
