i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
he puts the penis in happiness.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
