I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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