There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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