Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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