I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
