I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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